Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
Never in my life have I seen a grown ass man get on all fours and attempt to buttfuck himself with the leg of a chair. I love Vegas!
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
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