i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
Yo send me the pic of me stickn my dick in the paint bucket last night
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The chick I hooked up with last night is my girlfriend older sister. Who is in town visiting. Who I just met. Who I just had dinner With. Who is here along with their parents and the whole family. How did my luck get so bad?
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
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