is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
It's just like the Real World with babies
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
MEET ME OUTSIDE YOUR HOUSE IN THREE MINUTES. BE DRUNK. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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