After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I'm like going proud parent over you doing drugs, this is so wrong.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
