FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
That one life defining moment when you catch yourself pouring whisky into your hot chocolate at 4 am, whilst crying and talking to your dog.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
