you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I guarantee you he will only fuck with old bitches from now on
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
