Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
Moan for me like Helen Keller
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Randomize
