idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I was hammered helping a pregnant woman at the gas station name her unborn child. We had to try everything with two different last names because she was waiting on the results of her paternity test.
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
using my tits for other peoples nudes hit me up business in the making
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
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