she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
They want me to get them some X for there wedding present. I'm on the way to get it now
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
Randomize
