this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Maybe? I'm not shaving my pubes for a maybe type of night.
Randomize
