you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
