i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
Literally had to stick my hands in my pants and hold my butt cheeks together while driving
Ohh I see how it works, eat pussy and I get Reese's pieces.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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