If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
How early is too early for a booty call on a Monday night?
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
