Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
He has an accent when he types. I can *hear* the schnitzel. Especially when he's drunk.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
Randomize
