Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm buying eyelash glue, salt, and limes. We know how tonight is ending.
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
Apparently throwing balloons filled with vodka off the roof is considered terrorism.
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
Randomize