Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
Do you think wearing a shirt that says I like penis is too much for tonight?
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Randomize
