so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
Best porno line to date...."drinks are on me..." while she female ejaculates into a wine chalice
do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
When our dicks touched he made a lightsaber noise.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
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