I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
It's impossible to flirt with the bank tellers because they see how broke I am.
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
Is asking my 8-year-old brother if he will make us shot glasses in his ceramics class too far?
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
Yeah just got a blowjob at busch stadium during the cardinals game childhood dream realized
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
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