there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
i ate pretzels. i might be the first human to be hospitalized from pretzels. that's how bad this is.
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
Randomize
