Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
So we were sitting in his back seat and he asked me if I practiced giving head. I mean really, who asks that?
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
Who would have thought the night we were surrounded by 4 cops would be the most responsible night of the week.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
me + whiskey = a bad person
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I want to be her friend more than I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
