He had on juicy sweatpants and thats when i knew he was no longer a threat.
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He was pretty handsy. Told me I tasted like smoke. Good think he tasted that and not the stomach acid I just puked not ten minutes before.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
Randomize
