This may sound mean but have u ever just sat in class and look at some of the the people and think how disappointed their parents must be
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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