hey dude i know youre in the next room but me and your sister need a condom, got any i could borrow?
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
it's 8 a.m. and there are people having sex at the foot of the strangers bed i'm in. the guy just asked the girl how she lost her baby weight so fast.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Randomize
