I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
Randomize
