I wanna come home
And do what?
Kiss. Rip clothes off. Repeat.
That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Drinking mikes hard & watching the swan princess. i fucking LOVE college
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
A shark bit my leg in the Gulf of Mexico well me and the T were banging so look for it in the papers
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