So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
ive decided that just saying "yes" when people assume I am something other than Caucasian will highly benefit my love life. last night I was native.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Randomize
