their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Randomize
