whats a more ladylike way to say "fuck me on your lunch break"?
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
After we did it I noticed she was wearing the same underwear as last night.
That's why you don't sleep with the same girl two nights in a row man!
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Is it bad if I look at someone i dont know and just want to punch them in the face?
I party with great urgency now.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
