good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
Sunshine is the equivalent of sprinkling whore pellets on campus.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
I was proudly and successfully the first girl ever to get kicked out of a the bar for being too drunk last night. Loving spring break.
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
Randomize
