i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
I'm to the point of desperation where I stare at customers penis imprints through their pants all day
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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