I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Seriously, do normal people actually get work done being this hungover? No wonder the economy's in the shitter
I'm already too high to be publicly presentable. I just looked at myself in the mirror without my sunglasses. Debated contacts. Said aloud "But I'm nothing without my sunglasses."
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
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