I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
so i am drinking whiskey and watching home alone 2 by myself. it turns out moving to a foreign country isn't all that different after all.
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
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