I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
Double check your contract and see if it says anything about sleeping with your manager
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
