I was on top riding him and his friend walks in and watched for a minute before he realized what was going on
my vag is so smooth its legendary
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
Because her vagina is one of those illusive black holes that leads to a parallel universe where he is king and the sea is made of beer! That is why they are together!
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
They don't really make a "hey I'm fucking your ex wife" card do they ?
Randomize
