Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
I wish you could order shots online.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
