today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
He played the same pre-sex songs as his brother...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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