so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
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