Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
The world is a different place when I'm actually having sex
And the view of you in reverse cowgirl is arguably the most spectacular view ever... And I've seen the Eiffle tower, the colosseum, mountains of Hawaii, Michaelangelo's David, and the Mona Goddamn Lisa. Just saying.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
You added his wife on Facebook?! You're horrible at this mistress thing
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
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