im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
I look at it as community service. He was going through a rough time and I gave him an ego boost. That's how we're going to remember it. I was doing a good deed lol
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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