He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
Liquid roulette time! Black Mystery Cups are filled with either ipecac, whiskey, or NyQuil. Let's have fun
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
What happened to my face?
You kneed yourself in the eye during the Harlem Shake.
It was impressive.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
