Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
A 14 year old with a teardrop tattoo just tried to sell me weed. I'm in the wrong fucking neighborhood.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He thinks that since we have been dating six months, that he can do the helicopter with his penis. Not okay.
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Randomize
