Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
I was trying to get nudes from last night and ended up getting a family portrait!
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