Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Verdict: uncircumcised.
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