we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
Will i get arrested If i steal the salvatiion arny guys bell for ringing it to close to my hangover
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Randomize
