he was so hot that i framed the used condom. it's not trash, it's art.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
I currently don't understand fingers.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
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