Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
you had me at cake vodka
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
I woke up naked with my work shoes on
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
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