it was like playing where's waldo with your underwear
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
Do you have feelings for this penis?
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize