What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
You could make a naked club. One member, you. One president, you.
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Randomize
