Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
On the bad side I puked, but on the bright side I puked lettuce which was a new experiance
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
I HAD TO TAKE A SHOT OF JAGER AND SOME REDBULL JUST TO SEE IF IT’LL MAKE MY MOUTH FEEL BETTER
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
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