Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I can never go back to Jacksonville. We think I may have punched a child in the face while on acid...
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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