I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Pushiiing vjews 4 ma daz caik
Lyk hr kuds 4
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
COME HERE AND I WILL SUCK YOUR COCK UNDER THE LIGHT OF THIS BEAUTIFUL ELECTRICITY
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
God I miss you. I would very much like to have sexual intercourse with you. I'm home eating chicken alfredo.
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