Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
His mom let me come to his house for a Booty call at 4am. She even cooked us breakfast in the morning and told me im a better moaner than his girlfriend of 4yrs.
Randomize
