I just pulled the condom that i lost on tues out of me at work ewwww!
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Was it just me or did you also find it awkward when "glad you came" started playing on pandora right after you finished?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I farted in his bed and then in my drunken stupor grabbed hair defanging spray to cover up the stench.
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
I taught three men with PhDs how to make a gravity bong last night. I love academia.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
