Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
He plays guitar, sings like an angel, and acts like a gentleman. If I don't fuck him by the end of first semester, I'm dropping out
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
She’s fine. Found her in the bathtub eating Cheerios and watching Rugrats on an iPad.
Randomize