Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
Randomize