I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I apparently texted him "since you're taking time out to think about us. You probably need to think about me getting arrested right now."
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
I always make inappropriate sexual decisions during the holidays
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
all my friends are getting married and here i am in a committed relationship with rum
Randomize
