you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Also I've come to learn that "type" and "fetish" are different things. Apologies for earlier confusion.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize
