tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
Passing out during sex is actually quite pleasant. its like being rocked to sleep with a penis
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Yeah got a self inflicted broken nose.
I feel like everytime I call him he's either fucking or getting into trouble. It's really disturbing that he presses the answer button and then proceeds to fuck her harder.
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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