I just want to sing "highway to the danger zone" when I'm taking his pants off.
your ex dropped by. you can call me dwight howard, cuz im the king of rebounds
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I just used my thong as a hair tie. I think I reached my limit.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
Now that there's no chance of him coming over to fuck anymore, I'm going to put up a one-person tent in my bedroom and live in it. My bed reminds me of him.
I'm not gonna lie. I'm a little scared.
Good. The Jell-O shots look great.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
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