She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
I ended up in a bathroom giving my hymen a pep talk
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I went home with him again and he LEFT HIS OWN HOUSE at 2 in the morning while I was IN THE BATHROOM.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Sorry I drunk. I wouldn’t eat those pancakes. I think I put glitter in them.
Randomize