I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
Once he blows his load, he's more of an immediate flight risk than that jetBlue pilot. He's out the door before his cum is out of my vajayjay.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Your smile makes me feel like I'm frolicking through a field of gummy bears.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
Why didn't you ever bring me to the pope as a baby so he could kiss me.
Pretty sure by 1p, she had fucked all of my bodily fluids out of me. I'm now trying to replace them with bourbon so 2016 is turning out pretty good.
Randomize
