I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Face washed and sleeping pill taken. Here's hoping for a more sex filled tomorrow.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
what better to celebrate not being pregnant than to eat a bowl full of rum soaked pineapples?
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
