He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
Goddamn it, are you fucking her sister?
did you know it's going to storm tonight?
You bitch. At least tell Laura she's a better kisser.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
just found out I was hugging strangers at the bar last night. there's photographic evidence. I know none of them
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Randomize
