I'm drunk in f*****g wisconsin and want to kill myself.
If it's any consolation, be grateful that you're not in New Jersey.
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
He staggered in with his pants around his ankles and yelled that he lost his pants
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize