All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
my mom just informed me that im way nicer when im high and offered to supply my weed until our house guests leave.
does that include her cleaning your bowl?
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
We can do this. We've been drunk at a gay bar, we will not be taken down by a Tuesday.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
I'll have you know my trust issues and my daddy issues are two COMPLETELY different topics of conversation.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
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