How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
For not really liking Christmas, I have an astounding amount of holiday-themed lingerie
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
Randomize
