dude, she has braces
i meant the dude w the ponytail.
i was less creeped out when i thought you were talking about the 14 y.o.
even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
Karaoke into a bottle of boones. dear summer in alabama, glad to see you again.
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
Naptime over. I've got fresh contacts and tequila. RAAAAAAGE!
Randomize
