i'm not a human right now. not even a dancer.
this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
I have no idea. Next thing I know we're all down on one knee saying the pledge of allegiance and then singing I'm Proud to be an American. Then Trevor ate pizza off the sidewalk.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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