thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
it was a sick party until you insisted on putting on "that's how I beat shaq"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
When he mumbled "I can't feel my legs," proceeded to stand, fall over, and just lay there I knew I'd given great head...
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
