Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
All three shower stalls were filled with couples fucking and then someone yelled "switch" and... We switched
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
third nipple confirmed
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Randomize