They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
The name of the man in your bed is not Ryan. I can't remember what his name is but that is wrong
do you think eating a burger while having sex counts as multitasking skills?
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
