If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Ya I got a cut on my head from the toilet seat last time I drank there.
and now there are teeth marks on my dick.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
so this hot guy who looks like brad pitt circa troy era in my physics lab is staring at me right now and it's taking all the willpower I have not to procreate with him right now.
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