My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
So I've been in more fights on one leg than I've had on two.
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
He named his newborn baby after a character in the Hobbit and that is literally keeping me up at night.
I'd call the fact I ended up in my own bed a huge success
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
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