You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
God I'm so bored. I wish I had a baby or something to play with.
And this is exactly why you should NEVER have kids.
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
bad sex. bad bad bad. it was like trying to pick up an overcooked noodle with an empty pringles can. why do these guys always seem to find me?
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
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