I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
